At Andrew’s birthday/graduation party I was gifted with Shannon’s leftover Mother To Be tea. Another ‘this is getting real’ moment. Followed by a ‘this is going to be real, right? It has to be, I have the tea.’ moment.

I’ve pretty much written out the stockpile of future-baby-stuff in my head except for this:

By waiting until the time is right, by making sure that this is absolutely what we want first… well it’s scary to not know if I can, and it would be all that more devastating if I can’t. I’ve never been pregnant, or tried to get pregnant and while there’s no specific reason to think I cant… first popular culture is telling me that I have one year, three months, and 19 days until my eggs begin to spontaneously self-destruct. And knowing that’s nothing but a statistical number doesn’t help because it also means I don’t have a free year+ to go – my fertility has been dropping since I hit my 30s.

Then the specialist and his jumping into fertility treatments. And that cyst hanging out on my uterus like a bad house guest. He (okay I guess my cyst is a ‘he’ now) might not be causing any trouble outright, but he might be leaving its stinky feet on the coffee table and making it an inhospitable place for a future zygote.

I should have asked the Magic 8 Ball Selina brought today.

Besides the baby thing, things on my mind lately have been:

– The bakery thing.

– The hoping to quit my job thing.

– The … I forgot the third thing. I swear it wasn’t socks (although my mom sent money with a note to buy socks!).. I’ll guess the diet thing.

Funny how these are both complimentary and contradictory. The bakery will hopefully let me quit my job, but it is not helping the diet.

I’m now able to use the Northgate fitness center for a $3 drop-in fee. I went last Monday, and was in pain the rest of the week from arm muscles that must have never been touched in my life. I’m hoping to go tomorrow and undo some of the anti-diet damage I did today at the party, and with all of baking for the party.

The leftover brownies are going on the freezer so I can test the idea I’ve heard that brownies freeze well. If so this could be great for the bakery since I can bake ahead of time and not have to worry about having to sell product within a day or two.

Tomorrow’s a big day – first day at half dosage lamotrigine. Then again being that I’ve forgotten the occasional day, it’s not a big deal yet. I don’t know how much time it takes before my body realizes, ‘hey, something’s up…’