I don’t like these signs that summer is ending prematurely.

• Back to school sales
• A very orange, very autumn-y Maine leaf posted on Facebook
• Andrew closing the windows before going to bed.
• 60s in the weather forecast and I haven’t felt the 70s that were promised this week.

Apparently we had a heat wave and it seemed to last just long enough for people to start complaining, but I must have spent the majority of it involuntarily inside because I certainly didn’t get my fill of the weather.

I have real reasons to mourn the end of summer again this year. My first winter on lithium was nothing short of a miracle to me. It was halfway through the season when I became consciously aware that so much time had passed and my biggest complaint had been… it’s cold. Since then I’ve kind of gotten used to not being functionally useless – depression I could practically plan for through part of the year – and even get a little excited over the availability of pumpkin spice lattes.

It’s really easy to pretend everything is normal while I’m off my meds when I intentionally stopped in my best part of the year. It’s a little scary to realize what may be coming for me again, especially without the reassurance that everything is going to be okay otherwise.