I originally had a sigmoidoscopy scheduled for today. I canceled it a couple days ago after finding out the news (pink lines!) because I didn’t want to risk doing anything right now that would convince a cluster of cells that my body isn’t a habitable place. I know things are generally safe, but that seems like a special kind of trauma to go through so early. Ultimately the relief I felt after it was canceled told me I made the right decision. Not only did I avoid an uncomfortable procedure but also I’m not interested in escalating my UC treatment at the moment which sounded like it going to be based on the results. Reminding myself that it’s my body and I’m ultimately the one in control is a good thing.

So I canceled the appointment but kept the day off I had scheduled. Time off from work is pretty much my favorite thing these days, and as the perfect way to distract myself from the waiting game, I scheduled a massage with a boutique spa down the street that offers a hand massage but is incredibly hard to schedule around work. I had an envelope of money from my mom sent during the bad times last year that I’ve been saving in my desk drawer as my rainy-day-and-I-need-a-massage fund.

On the intake form I got to mark the ‘pregnant’ box for the first time ever and under ‘stage’ wrote 4 weeks, because for some reason the medical community thinks pregnancy starts before ovulation. Well the woman looks over my paperwork and has to talk to the front desk to confirm after explaining to me that spas generally don’t give massages to pregnant women in the first trimester because of the slight risk. She said they were happy to have me back in a couple months and would offer a good incentive like 50% off, although I didn’t get anything in writing so I’m not sure if I should just call back in that time saying, “Hey someone said you’d give me a discount…”

I do really want that hand massage so I’ll probably do it discount or not. For today I had to replace my indulgence with a cupcake from Cupcake Royale.

However I’m extra glad I canceled my original appointment. If letting someone rub my body is supposedly a risk, then I certainly feel justified in not wanting to let someone stick a camera up my butt.