(Note: If there’s some awkward sounding editing, it’s because I was trying to make this not sound like I actually started writing seven months ago, and just finished tonight.)
When I was still in the “unofficially pregnant” stage, I was Googling how to encourage Baby Blastocyst to “stick”, even while knowing there’s no such way. One of the things I ran across was an article titled, “Things I Wish I Knew During the First Trimester”. One of the things on that list was how common miscarriages are. I’m sure that’s meant to be reassuring to women who have gone through miscarriages, to know that they’re not alone, but THAT, I think, is the last thing I wish I knew. Blissful ignorance would have been nice. I was not going to be able to relax until I could feel the baby moving and don’t need a doctor to show me all is well (and then find something new to worry about.)
As I waved goodbye (and good riddance) to the first trimester, I started making my own list of things I learned for myself along the way – the list that I didn’t have the energy to write then because…
1. My relationship with sleep completely changed.
As a die-hard night owl I could never believe that I’d be going to bed at 9pm like I kept reading is normal in pregnancy. And I’m not – but I did start going to bed at 10:30 instead of my usual midnight or 1am. If I didn’t get 9 hours of sleep I’d start out the day in zombie mode, and if I did, zombie mode would kick in a few hours later.
Turns out I was anemic too, and since taking iron supplements I’m only normal pregnancy tired and not needing to nap in my car at lunch to make it through the day. Unfortunately I found my bedtime slipping back to my old time… oops.
2. My relationship with food completely changed.
First there was morning sickness. I knew that morning sickness didn’t necessarily limit itself to the morning, but it’s also not necessarily the dramatic throwing up in the morning they always use to signal someone is pregnant on TV. For me it was a constant, all-day and ‘ugh’ feeling.
Instead of cravings, I had foods I could stand the thought of eating at any particular time, and that has almost the same power considering it meant go out my way to obtain that food or eat nothing. Soup was my savoir. My mom sent me a care package with some pregnancy magazines and foods she remembered me saying I could eat – chicken soup, peanut butter granola bars, and Life cereal. It came right around when I was coming out of what I call my “not eating phase” but it was still a really sweet thing to do.
3. My relationship with drinks completely changed.
And I don’t mean alcohol (although I did find myself indulging more than normal for me before we conceived – I think it was a combination of the holidays, the forbidden fruit appeal, and rediscovering Irish cream.)
I had thought giving up caffeine would be difficult but morning sickness made me just not want my tea anymore. Instead I started craving water like it was going out of style. I remember picking up Thai food for lunch where I had decided to indulge in a Thai Iced Tea. Watching the waitress pour ice water for a table made me want to ask to change my order to that ice water, at the same cost!
My skin was also constantly dry, making me think the parasite was just sucking all of the moisture out of my body.
4. Pregnancy orgasms feel different than non-pregnancy orgasms, and they all felt different than each other as well. This did normalize over time, but it’s still hard to get over the feeling that there’s someone else involved.
So skipping out on my sigmoidoscopy finally came back to haunt me. I think it was something in the words ‘blood and mucus’ that made my gastroenterologist say, “We need to get her in ASAP” and when a specialist wants to see you the same week, you know it’s serious. I lost 20(!) pounds and I ended up having to have a sigmoidoscopy after all, unsedated. But, bonus, no prep! The doctor who was assisting commented that it looked like I had done one anyway, which both shows how bad off I was, and I took as a pseudo-compliment. (“Your bowels are so naturally cleaned out”?)
I had to go on prednisone temporarily, and started Humira indefinitely. Between the prednisone and iron supplements, I felt an overnight difference in my energy level and being able to eat again. This time the appetite and weight gain side effect of prednisone was a good thing. The Humira, I was once terrified of self-injections, but after the loading dose of four shots done on my own in my living room I felt like I could get through anything. Also it’s so much easier and faster than Remicade to deal with.
Humira also appears to be my miracle drug. I was sent to a high risk OB for a consultation since active IBD (inflammation) has a risk of preterm labor, however after getting stable they mostly set me free to work with the midwives. I got some additional ultrasounds (also bonus) but everything looked good.
Labor Day weekend I ended up with a bad Humira pen. Of course (of course) these things always have to happen over a long weekend… With the delay I ended up doing my injection five days late, which was long enough to start feeling what I thought of as ‘the ick before the flare’. A day and a half after my injection, I felt fine again.
This makes me feel like I made the right decision to stay on the Humira throughout pregnancy, instead of the original plan of stopping at 36 weeks, which my gastroenterologist supports as well.
I remember back when I first had the meet & greet with the midwives, I was happy surprised that they’d even be willing to take me with all of my issues. (I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case if they weren’t working in a hospital setting.) So I shouldn’t really be surprised at how many specialists and medical professionals have ended up being involved in my pregnancy.
Counting the midwives as a single entity…
1. Midwives
2. Gastroenterologist
3. High-risk OB
4. Hematologist
5. Psychiatrist
6. OB who did the version
Then, I wasn’t counting the ultrasound technicians separately because I consider that part of the package, however,
7. Ultrasound technician who scanned my leg for blood clots.
A few weeks ago now I fell while we were walking to the store. Scraped up and bruised my left side – foot, leg, and elbow – pretty good. A few weeks later, I’m still bruised, scraped, and my foot was painfully swollen beyond even my regular sandals. My ankle was turning purple. I waited until the weekend was over to call the midwives and they had me come in. Tuesday I got sent for an ultrasound to make sure I don’t have a blood clot (which was my concern when I called.) Wednesday I had my regular appointment, and thankfully no clot. It seems to be just a combination of the fall/bruising multiplied with the normal pregnancy swelling. I’m supposed to stay off of it, which contradicts with the walking I’m supposed to be doing daily.