I went shopping for my new boobs last week. It took me a while to figure out if I actually had new boobs, since I didn’t grow a cup size overnight or anything, but after buying new bras it’s much more obvious how my old ones weren’t fitting right anymore. The ones I bought claimed “easy sizing” or something along those lines (S/M/L instead of band/cup) so I don’t have any numbers to compare how much I’ve grown but apparently I’m a “large” now.

Being that I still hate wearing bras any more than necessary, I’m still getting away with going without on weekends and with the occasional outfit that has the right kind of layering to hide any rogue nipples. For example, a shirt I bought recently turned out to be scratchy inside but if I wear a camisole top underneath it feels fine and I can skip the bra.

That was what I was wearing yesterday when I looked into the bathroom mirror at work and a line from Waitress popped into my head.

“As you can plainly see, my right boob is much higher than my left boob…”

It was me!

I’ve always had a natural asymmetry, but it’s only been noticeable when naked (and I’ve never known anyone to care at that point). I think all of my growth went into my left side, because suddenly my breasts were existing on two different planes.

To quote again from the movie,

“Dear baby…“

As your mother, I’m going to love you unconditionally. However you’ve already done a couple things to test those limits. The first was making me lose my taste for Thai food in the first trimester. Now it’s making me have to wear a bra to not look like a freak of nature.

You’re only allowed one per trimester so you’d better be thinking of something good for the next.