I’m quite sure there’s something about pregnancy that makes you appreciate naps in a new way.

I’ve never been a good napper – I don’t fall asleep quickly, I wake up groggy, and I can’t get to sleep when I’m supposed to at night. I also can’t help feeling like recreational sleeping is the absolutely least productive way to spend time, even compared to watching bad TV or reading bad Internet. While pregnant it’s different though. It’s all about stockpiling sleep before the baby’s born, right?

I spent a good part of Sunday afternoon sleeping with Morgan on the bed, since she was in the way of me washing the sheets. I have read that 20 minutes is the ideal nap time, so I set my alarm, then turned it off 20 minutes later and went back to sleep…

I dreamed that I was eating Arby’s roast beef. I woke up wanting Arby’s roast beef…

I call him ‘Carnivore baby’ for the way he makes me crave meat, especially beef, which I don’t normally know what to do with.

Since there’s no Arby’s within reach of my apartment I thought instead I could pick up some lunch meat at the store. However the expensive, organic, quality roast beef at Madison Market looked like the opposite of what I wanted.

I put it off for a couple days, but there are two Arby’s near my work. So for lunch I ordered a roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and Dr. Pepper (since if I’m going to be bad, I might as well be bad all the way.) I hid myself in a corner where no one could watch me eat the insides with my fingers and leave the bun, just like I did as a kid. I’m totally pulling the ‘I’m pregnant so I can do whatever I want.’

I took the soda and leftover fries back to work, not realizing right away that the cup had Arby’s name all over it, giving me away! To make it worse, the bag I hid the fries in, with my salad and soup for later, ripped in my hands as I got to my desk, spilling my fries all over the floor and further drawing attention to myself.

I still picked them up and ate them anyway. The floor looked clean enough, and no one messes with a pregnant woman’s food, even gravity.

At 17 and a half weeks, here are the “bad” things I have done so far:

– Taken Immodium (with my OB’s blessing).

– Eaten countless turkey lunch meat sandwiches, not microwaved first.

– Eaten much ham, cooked, but full of nitrates.

– While I bought Sunbutter to make sandwiches with instead of peanut butter, because of a potential risk of peanut allergies from early exposure, I’m still eating peanut butter cups and peanut butter granola bars for breakfast practically every day.

– Eaten nuts of all (other) kinds, guaranteeing my unborn child will have allergies or asthma or who knows what all because of my selfish, healthy snacking.

– Eaten Cheetos for breakfast.

– Eaten albacore tuna salads (that’s a green salad with albacore tuna on top) from Alki Bakery far more often than the recommended frequency.

– Consumed caffeine in the forms of: Starbucks decaf, iced tea, regular tea, and the above mentioned Dr. Pepper.

– Gotten foot massages from the cheap massage place in the mall, where they don’t know I’m pregnant and even hit the bad pressure points (which would need constant pressure for an extended period to actually be a concern.)

– Slept on my back, even though I’ve always been a natural side sleeper. I think my changing center of gravity is pushing me back onto my back like a weeble wobble toy.

– Cleaned the litter boxes for two weeks while Andrew was out of town, without wearing gloves – it just seemed like an unnecessary step when I wasn’t going to be putting my hands in my mouth afterwards.

– Scrubbed the bathtub with bathroom cleaner, until the fumes made my eyes burn. (This one seems the most bad.)

– Tried to put Morgan in the “free” baby sling I got (not impressed with the sling so I don’t care about cat hair. Morgan was not impressed either.)

– Got a crazy sunburn… not pregnancy related, but just bad all around!

Bad things I have not done (yet):

– Eaten sushi. Andrew is trying to keep me away as long as possible.

– Had any alcohol – not that I plan to, but the new studies that have come out have me convinced that at least having a taste of someone else’s drink occasionally wouldn’t be the end of the world.

– Had a Baskin Robbins Mocha Blast. I was craving one last weekend but was kept distracted long enough to forget about it.

– Dyed my hair. I’ve had a box of hair dye that was going to be my consolation prize if I didn’t get pregnant that month… and then I did! I was waiting for the second trimester, and now I’m trying to give more time to forget about those bathtub cleaner fumes.

– Used fingernail polish remover, mostly because I’m too lazy to finish the job.