Somewhere along the way sunscreen seems to have become controversial. Apparently it causes cancer while it prevents cancer? Or something? When it comes to myself I have a pretty ‘whatever’ attitude about these kind of things but with this tiny-bodied person I’m now responsible for, I’m much more likely to jump on the panic wagon.
I researched lists of baby-safe(r) products, looked at the Amazon reviews which told me what was wrong with all of the best ones per the previous list, and eventually set that whole project aside for a while.
Then it got hot.
On Wednesday we went for a long walk, ultimately to Virginia Mason where I finally got my third Hepatitis A/B shot. (My gastroenterologist was making sure I was up to date on all of my vaccines). That evening I noticed Cameron’s cheeks were looking rosy. As if I didn’t already have my bad mommy moment* for the day, I may have let my baby get sunburned as well!
Even with Amazon Prime I’d be stuck inside for two sunny days waiting for whatever obscure brand came out on top to arrive. So the plan updated to ‘walk to Walgreens and buy whatever has “baby” in the name’. Which turned out to be Neutrogena, the brand I already buy for myself. Which probably causes cancer. Or something.
*My bad mommy moment: Cameron has made a breakthrough in sitting upright unsupported, now lasting for minutes rather than seconds before he falls over. I sat him down in his play yard, and put a blanket behind him to soften the fall if he went backwards.
Since this is a confession I’ll admit I was on my computer, rather than being vague enough to sound like I was hovering overhead and just not able to catch him in time. He picked the one direction I didn’t anticipate, a backwards diagonal, and hit his head on the only obstetrical around, the plastic part on the edge of his bouncy seat which I didn’t even realize was in range.
There was a thud, and real crying, and a big red spot next to his eye. I grab him and instinctively offer him a boob, (I hope this isn’t a latent instinct that comes out at inappropriate times when he’s older), which he didn’t want so the “magic boob” no longer makes everything better. Hugs, kisses, bounces, and pats instead. It’s horrible to have your child in pain and not be able to fix it immediately, and I know I’m absurdly acting like I’m the first person to ever experience this. The rest of you are rolling your eyes; it was just a bump. Big red spot faded to a small red spot over the rest of the day.
At least it wasn’t directly my fault, I thought, until it came back to me at night while I was trying to sleep. I started thinking from the perspective of a baby and how horrifying it must be to not have control of your own body, after someone else sets you in a position you can’t maintain, to end up with your head free-falling towards a hard object. ‘Bad mommy’ became ‘worst mommy’.
Side note: I actually just used The Oatmeal as reference to make sure I was using the semi-colon properly.